"We are always falling in love or quarreling, looking for jobs or fearing to lose them, getting ill and recovering, following public affairs. If we let ourselves, we shall always be waiting for some distraction or other to end before we can really get down to our work. The only people who achieve much are those who want knowledge so badly that they seek it while the conditions are still unfavorable. Favorable conditions never come."
"I don’t want an idea of someone, I’m too weary for masks and false versions of people. I want a love that is filled with hope of growth, a love that says “I’m here, and I’m staying.” and I don’t know if I’ll ever hear that. I just want to be brave for that love, to risk the pain it might bring, so that I can experience the good that it could be. I just want a love that is true; should I not seek any less than that? Let me never offer anything less than a heart that is humble and ready to serve. Let me be the love that I seek, so that I can know what it means to love at all, and grow in that promise."
So, I started a new job on Monday. I had a brief HR orientation and was then taken to my new office, where one of my supervisors (there are two) showed me the room and then said, “well, you know what to do!”, and left. I’m not joking. No expectations for my work were given. I’ve had to press everyone involved when it comes to getting the technology I will need to do my work (a computer, for one, along with access to the database and CRM). No one seems to be able to give me a history of what has been done so far to recruit for my department. I don’t know when I am expected to begin representing the university by hosting on and off campus events. I don’t know which college fairs to go to. If someone had said to me at the start that I would be expected to develop all of these things on my own, I’d have just run with it. But no one has said that, so I don’t know what the expectations are. I finally emailed several of these questions to the lead recruiter and he suggested a meeting later this morning.
I know that I am competent and capable. I know how to work autonomously. I know how to be a professional. But I don’t know what to do when expectations for my work have not been established.
Monday through Wednesday this week, I was spending 4 hours in the car to get to and from work. Yesterday, I left home early so that I could reduce the commute time to 3 hours. Between commuting, the general expectation that at some point I will be hosting evening and weekend events, and Dan’s busy graduate school schedule, I am not sure when we will ever see one another. And that bothers and scares me. I want for him to do all of the things he needs to do to succeed, both during and after school. But I also want to see him. I guess we’ll just have to see how it goes.
I honestly thought I’d be happier to have a job. It’s been a bit of a nightmare this week, truthfully. So here’s to hoping things get better, and fast. Otherwise, this is simply not sustainable.
Happening Now (10.8.14): Oh dear God, not again. Another life lost in St Louis. So little information right now, but it seems that an unarmed 18-year old boy was tased then shot 16 times by an officer, possibly off-duty. Not clear what provoked the event, but I’ll keep you updated as info is released. #staywoke #blacklivesmatter
Be weary of the police reports so far. ALL witness statements seem to contradict it, but the police refuse to interview any of them. They seem to be concocting a story right now to cover for the officer. It’s looking real grim right now.
With all the heat Anita Sarkeesian gets for her Tropes series, you’d think it was a new topic, but Gene Siskel & Roger Ebert had a discussion on a similar theme when they were talking about the influx of slasher movies on their show in 1980.